I'm this close to closing myself off from the world.

Just numbing all of my emotions and just watching from afar, not being involved with anything anymore. Why? Because I see no point right now.

To be honest, I find no reason to live now. To get good grades? To get a good job? No... So maybe, just maybe, until I find that reason again, I should be a silent observer.

No more screaming, no more shouting, just talking only when I need to. The big smile that I am so used to showing others, maybe it's time that I hide it away from the world.

Let me tell you something stupid. Do you know what my life long goal is? To get married to someone I love.

It's damn stupid how the world tries to fuck with us. The person you love doesn't love you, the person who loves you, you have no feelings for. It is just... fucking ridiculous. What I want now is...

Someone who will tell me good morning and good night.
Someone who will keep me company when I'm bored.
Someone to cuddle with.
Someone who will pat my head and comfort me when I feel down.
Someone who will hug me and wipe away my tears.
Someone who will love me despite my aggression and how ugly I look.

And until I find that someone, that one reason for me to live another day and smile, the me right now.... would  probably just shy away from the world.