I'm at the stage where I don't want to have friends anymore.

Now, before you say anything, read on.

I'm at the stage where I'm tired of superficial relations. I'm at the stage where I'm tired of keeping up of keep up an act. I'm at the stage where I'm done trying to please people. I'm at the stage where I'm tired of trying to keep the friendship going. I'm at the stage where I'm tired of being afraid of losing someone who never considered me to be anything important in the first place.

Yes, I understand, life never stops, everyone has their own life. I can't expect the person to be talking to me 24/7 or something but a sometimes it feels like they have time for everyone else but me. It feels like I'm just that extra friend they don't need, that extra friend that they can do away with anytime.

I'm not sure when I started thinking this way, I thought this year was going great. I'm not sure why did it suddenly hit me, I'm not sure why I'm falling back to it, I'm not sure why tears are even streaming down my face talking about all this.

Looking around me, at all the people wearing a mask, whose actually real to me? I can't tell anymore. Are they just being nice to me or do they truly treat me as someone important? When did I start being so skeptical of everyone? Wasn't I doing just fine earlier this year?

Maybe things are starting to accumulate on me as I start thinking back, maybe my thoughts are stacking and the burden is too much for me to take. So busy thinking of others, that I forgot about myself.

Maybe, I'm not at the stage where I don't want to have friends anymore. Maybe I'm at the stage that I don't want anyone to leave me anymore.

In the end, to how many of you am I really important to? To how many people was I important enough of a friend to  have actually read all the way till this sentence...?